inglenookie:

Because sometimes you have to write the stupidest thing ever (for @slashyrogue​ mit ❤️)

“You again.”

“That’s not happy to see me.”

“Let’s call it less than a surprise.”

“Yes, well, Doctor Chilton was kind enough to provide me with an open pass so to speak.”

“You know he’s listening, right?”

“I’m sure it’s the highlight of his day.”

“Scribbling his little notes.”

“About me as well.”

“Because you’re so interesting. Isn’t that what you said?”

“Perhaps. Who can recall with all that’s transpired?”

“I can.”

“You have your own narrative.”

“I know what happened.”

“In any case, I brought you something.”

“A pardon from the governor?”

“I’m afraid not. Merely a small token. A touch of home perhaps.”

“… You made me a pie?”

“I did. Asian pear and pink lady apples with vietnamese cinnamon. The lattice crust-”

“An apple pie.”

“… Yes.”

“Is there a file in it?”

“No. Not a file.”

“Some personal blend of psychotropic drugs?”

“Again, no. No drugs. And no poison, lest you ask that next.”

“Color me suspicious.”

“I can’t imagine why.”

“Can’t you?”

“Is it so unlikely that someone like me, who enjoys baking, would take the opportunity to impart a bit of warmth to these dark confines?”

“Warmth, huh?”

“Mmhm.”

“People-”

“No, Will. There are no people in it.”

“…”

“Scout’s honor.”

“Like they’d ever accept you in the scouts.”

“That wounds me, Will.”

“Good.”

“If you don’t want it-”

“It does smell good.”

“Yes. That’s the cinnamon. There’s allspice as well.”

“I guess I could … Why is it dented?”

“Is it?”

“Yeah. Right there.”

“Oh. Travel damage I’m afraid.”

“It’s in a box.”

“Clumsy packaging?”

“You’ve never done anything clumsy in your life.”

“A spurious assumption.”

“Looks almost like a hole.”

“My thumb perhaps.”

“Hannibal.”

“Yes, Will?”

“Were you fully dressed when you made this pie?”

“I- Why do you ask?”

“Why don’t you answer?”

“It’s a ridiculous question.”

“So answer it.”

“… I was mostly dressed.”

“I knew it!”

“That means nothing. I often bake in various states of disrobing. The kitchen can be quite warm.”

“Take it.”

“Are you sure you won’t have even a small taste?”

“Frederick! Are you getting this?”

“Now there’s no need to involve-”

“Oh yeah there is.”

“Perhaps I’ll just take my pie-”

“You do that. Take your jizz pie.”

“Apple.”

“Whatever.”